fileg (fileg) wrote,

Mariage, Death and Ignorance (side order of icons to go)

My mother died in the fall of 1991 at the age of 59. She was a best friend, a confidant, a maniac (of the finest kind) a music and book fan, and on top of that, she was my Mum. I don't talk about her much, but I think about her all the time - I still talk to her out loud when I need advice, and she still speaks to me in my dreams.

I grew up thinking I was close to my family, but the truth turned out to be that my mother was the lynchpin, the handcuffs, the webweaver and the hub around which we spun. Without her, my family can not be bothered to stay in touch with me.

They blame me - I moved to a different state, you see. Hmmm, well, yes, I did. But I have lived in NJ since 1978. Not counting my mother, I have had 3 visits from my family, all of whom drive past my exit on the way to Atlantic City.

This is how they set me free: at my mother's wake, my aunt and uncle (the ones who always talk about how I only *came home* about 4 times a year (home? excuse me - I LIVE in NJ, with my husband...) walked up to me at the funeral home. I was sitting with my best friend from Grade School, (Kathy was my best friend from the age of 11, and her twin Tim was the first big love of my life) and told me with ill concealed disdain that my mum had left things *the family* might have wanted, hint hint, to **gasp** her friends. My aunt went on to say, in almost so many words, that my mother had never understood the lines - she had always treated her best friends as though they were family!

Kathy, who I was holding hands with, squeezed my fingers to warn me not to laugh.

Just before the evening break, they came back and said to me, IN so many words -"We're all going back to the house for dinner." *pause* "What are you going to do?" Kathy and Jim almost fell out of their folding chairs.

The following day, standing in the cemetery, I was berated for a sin I had yet to commit - my uncle, once again not inviting my brother or me to the house (we ended up in a parkway diner having breakfast) remarked on how everyone knew I would not bother to come visit now. It was the biggest backfire of their lives. It removed all idea of guilt from me. I stood in the lot till Jim and I were alone and told my mother "Now I am FREE."

59 was much too young for her to go. Her mother also died at 59, and 2 years ago my aunt - also at the magic age. I am not wasting my time or breath courting morons, thanks.

So, why am I thinking about this tonight? Well, I was at a viewing tonight, a good friend lost the aunt she always thought of as her * real* mother. And she was not the only member of my extended family to have that happen this week, but I don't know if the other incident is open for discussion on the air.

But more importantly, I came home to discussion about Virginia passing the "Marriage Affirmation Act."

Jim and I are legally married - today is our legal anniversary, and though it is not the anniversary I care most about, we celebrate it because I like presents... This was not the present I wanted.

We so seldom go anywhere without each other, that all my information and arrangements are in the hands of my three or four best friends. Same sex best friends - something I never had a thought about until tonight.

If power of attorney between two people is not valid if they are the same sex, these morons could invalidate what I want and turn my welfare over to people who don't even know who I am. People I DO NOT CARE to have know who I am. Could this make all single people the chattel of the government? Yes, with the right moron wearing the judges robes.

I am beginning to believe in the devil.

Liberty and Justice original art by Conaway. Brainwipe original art by Lee Moyer

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