fileg (fileg) wrote,

just checking in...

Thanks to you guys for encouraging me to just do it. I know you are right, there will be things I groan over missing later if I don't. But at the moment, even the raven does not speak to me. That leaves a very empty place in a very old part of my soul.

Thanks especially to those of you who put on your best retro cowboy drag with me. We make one hell of a cute LJ posse.

My problem is not with writer's block, I've been through that "will it come back" thing.
This is something more foreign to me, a crisis of faith.

I don't doubt my ability to put words on a page, and I have storylines taunting me in their nearly completeness, including one I think of as belonging to the spanish sparrow, so you would think that would motivate me.

This is lack of faith in why. I can't convince myself that writing is not what I am doing to waste time, and hidden in that is a value judgment about my own work that I can't say pleases me. I can't look at anything right now with pleasure, not even North's arc.

It's not like I am giving the time to better uses, so I don't know why it won't lift.

Crises of faith don't usually plague me - I sometimes lose faith in *what* i believe in, but it is part of a process of discovering if I need to change the object/focus of that what.. But I seldom loose my grip on *if* I believe. I am, by nature, a believer.

This is very alien. I hope it is reaction to stress, and all the things I know still need to be done pushing on my schedule, which I have the incredible good fortune to usually be able to base on my own need. I hope it lifts soon.

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