fileg (fileg) wrote,

quick check in

I'm so tired of being horizontal. If I had some decent symptoms, I could curl up and let jim take care of me - but all I have is the desire to sleep constantly if I sit up, and the crazed nyquil wanderings of the wide awake if I lie down. Bah.

Got up tonight and went to see Greg Greenway with Jim and Chris. Since I don't feel any worse for the excursion, I am going to declare myself well and see how that works. Fortunately, I have the luxury of simply sleeping if I need to, and it will just be Jim and I for Thanksgiving, so if we don't feel like cleaning and cooking, we can just pick a different day.

(I am having a good great flashback to my first Thanksgiving after joining LJ, curled up on the couch with turkey sandwiches on low carb bread, watching After The Deluge on the tapes mrkinch had sent me. happy. So, low stress is sounding good.... though I MUST start rearranging for Yule before too much longer.)

This may not make sense to those of you who haven't been through the stories of my family before ....

This was Network Outage weekend, so on Friday, not expecting Jim home before midnight, I decided to take the nyquil of doom and sleep/drift.

Fortunately, Jim came home just before 10, and picked up the phone that was ringing as he came in the door. (I was on the couch under a blankie, whimpering that I could not stand to talk to anyone. I'm such a model patient)

It was my brother, and it wasn't a national holiday or birthday, so I knew right away it was bad news. I continued to hide, and Jim had to relay things to me later.

The short form -

My Uncle is sick (read: inoperable). He was at one time my favorite, but he is also the one who made the remarks at my mother's funeral that lead to me declaring myself family-free.

Without my mother, I really don't mind this state of affairs. I enjoy my brother on the rare occasions we encounter each other, but I don't fret myself over being related to anyone at this point. The problem with my family is that in spite of being happy to think I never existed, they always expect me to show up for "disaster."

I'm sure they expect me to come see him.

Now - here's the point that makes this so typical of my family: they haven't decided whether or not to tell him he's terminal. I am well out of that, but I can't help thinking that not telling him, and having relatives who haven't spoken in ages show up don't go well together....

Even Chris (who usually tries to convince me to do these "obligation" things for family, since she can't really imagine what mine is like) was surprised that I considered going at all. Well, I'd like to think I'm the kind of person who could do that.

On the other hand - I'm not that person. I made a decision at my mother's graveside that I was free.

I didn't start the fire, but I like being free.
Tags: crap

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