fileg (fileg) wrote,
fileg
fileg

what I learned at Jury Duty

1. Do not take a notebook, for two reasons. If you get called for the questioning, they will take it away from you, although if you have a pocketbook big enough to put a small country in, no one will ask for anything you put in it. Do not bring laptop for the same reason (unless you are braver than I about leaving your writing notes with people who work for the state.) The second reason is, the room is so hot, there is no chance of writing. It took all my concentration to stay awake.

2. Do not wear perfume - please. In a 90 degree room, 100 of you wearing perfume was like being at a wake in an easy bake oven.

3. Do not drink anything, because although the men's room is next door, I never found the ladies room at all

4. Do not bring something to read, either, because the tv is at top volume all day, and I read the same sentence about 70 times.

If I am ever called again, I will bring earplugs and ask to sit out in the hall.


About that tv -- we were shown an orientation film about why objectivity is so important to a juror. (It amused me to think of getting the Law and Order guys to remake this - after all, they are nearby...) Then we were asked as a mass to stand and put up our right hand, and swear that we would uphold the constitution of the US and the state of NJ, which I was delighted to do. (They are less amused if you go on to add, out loud, "Which is more than the current administration will do.")

After extolling the virtues of calmness and objectivity, they turned the tv to top volume, and showed FOX news all day; while offering free coffee made by the state. mmmmmmm.


I did learn that apparently the big news of the week is the feud between Martha Stewart and Donald Trump, since they covered that story every 15 minutes, with phone interviews.

They also returned every hour to making fun of the story of the whippet that is missing after the dog show, and the psychics that are trying to find it. Boy howdy, them psychics is funny. They showed a map of Long Island with Kennedy Airport colored in a big neon green circle, and the male half of the commentating team pointed to it, and told the audience it was located on Long Island Sound. Now, I don't expect everyone to know local geography, but the map was labeled Jamaica Bay (which is still not really correct, but better not to let these two buffoons see the words Sheepshead Bay - that's funnier than psychics!) It annoys the blankity blank out of me to guess what salary these morons are making.


They also kept showing footage of the monkeyPresident, and telling us he didn't know about turning the ports over to the UAR. I don't know about the turning over part, but I can tell you for sure that telling me the President didn't know what's going on in the country does not appease me in any way.


The other story that was covered multiple times was about a woman in the UK who gave birth to twins, one of whom is white and one black. In spite of said twins having a white mother and a black father, the experts were not able to convince these two that this was easily genetically explainable, if rare, and that no one needed to call the Fortean Times. Part of the problem arose from the fact that the male half of the duo didn't seem to catch on to the idea of fraternal twins not being identical. He did repeatedly say how cuuuuute they were, in the smarmiest and most condescending way posible, as if that excused him for trying to get PT Barnum's attention.


My calmness and objectivity took a hell of a beating, so it was a good thing I never did get called for an interview.

Also, during a slow news section, the Blonde half of the team recounted a sad little tale of how she had spilled her designer water into her designer purse while driving to work and just look! (she produces a sticky hanky with coloured bits clinging to it). Apparently, she and the y-chromosome moron had gone out for drinks the night before, and he (she was SOOO amused by this) had ordered a gummy bear martini. Said gummy bears got wet when she spilled her water, and now were stuck to her hanky.

I was apparently the only person in the room who immediately wanted to know why you would take gummy bears that had been in someone's martini and dump them loose into your handbag. This, of course, was never addressed, but it leads me to believe they might have been wet before the water spilling incident. Possibly more than once.


Anyway, things should get back to my normal schedule now, since Jim called the magic answering machine tonight and my group does not have to go in for Friday, so yay! My civic duty is done for the nonce, and no one was harmed in the making of this tale except me, and I suffered no permanent damage.


Also, Chris picked me up at the court house yesterday (She works for the state too, about a block away) and we kidnapped Jim and went for dinner, which was lovely since eating in the hot flowery room was not really on, and I have a bag full of partially nibbled protein bars to show for my stay.

And as Jim and I pulled up in front of the house, there was a black cat on my porch. He looked so much like Frosty that we were both startled, but when he saw us, he stood up proved to be a handsome, but much younger cat. He walked jauntily away, pausing only to turn and make eye contact with Jim, and then spray my garden statuary.
Tags: adventures
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  • 13 comments

  • sleep talk

    Just before he woke up, jim leaned over and said, "Thank you for helping me with the pork atoms."

  • protons

    Is there a superperson who got their powers from protons? I am getting a second chance at having an origin. I am about to start proton…

  • (no subject)

    Jim came in to check on me while I was napping. I don't know what I was dreaming about, but I asked him why he had ordered the double booked full…