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bad translations from pirated Russian ROTK

From Scattergold --
A collection of truly bad translations from pirated Russian ROTK tapes:


Faramir to Denethor: You killed Boromir, but I'll try to serve you in his place. If I return, think about me more often.

Denethor aptly replies: It wouldn't be polite of you to return.






Gollum: I will lead them to her, to the Wild Star. (meaning Shelob).

--

Gollum to Frodo and Sam: We should go down into the basement (climbing up the stairs)... Careful... It's very dirty here.

--

Pippin on the wreckage of Isengard:

(V.1)I feel like I'm a green dragon...

(V.2)After such a hard days work I would defeat a big green dragon...

--

Frodo in Shelob's lair: What's that smell?

Gollum (V.1): Stinkers! A lot of stinkers wander around here.

Gollum (V.2): You almost stepped into it. It happens.

--

Elrond to Aragorn (instead of "I come on behalf of the one I love. Arwen is dying":

I lost half of those I loved. And they are still dying.

--

Denethor, instead of "Rohan has deserted us":

My God, Rohan has swept us clean!

--

Frodo, instead of "There and back again":

"And they came back again."

--

Frodo: We set out to save the Shire, Sam. And the Shire is dangerous!

--

Arwen, talking about her death with Elrond: I will survive my death.

--

Witch-King about Gondorians: "sinful trash".

--

Theoden on the Muster of Rohan: Rambo, how many troops do you have?

--

Theoden starting the march: Go! Attack Gondor!

--

Theoden to the troops on Pellenor:

Iomar, take the left flang, Garry, take the center, Rambo, take the right!

--

Gimli: Let Sauron rot, why worry?

Gandalf: Because 10000 orcs now stand between Frodo and Nazgul!

--

Sam to Frodo: I can't bring anything to you, but I can carry you.

--

Treebeard is addressed as Three-Dick. He then tells Gandalf that Isengard is now "his swamp".

--

Legolas about sleepless malice:

(V.1): Something is stirring in the West. I feel it. The sleepless mass of Saeron is hanging over Minas Teres.

(V.2): Something is going on in the East. Some kind of insomnia illness.

--

About Arwen on the way to the Havens:

Her ship will go into the Grey Heavens. It's her last journey.

--

Gandalf to Denethor: I bring news, and I bring a Consul with me (Pippin?)

Gandalf to Denethor (continuing Republican theme): You are not alone in your war. Send a word to Senate of Rohan.

--

Gandalf to Pippin about Sauron's army: Not only orcs are there, men from the South and Missionares from the shore are too going to war.

--

Aragorn telling Eowyn off: What the heck do you want?

--

Faramir to Denethor: Osgiliath has crossed our borders!

--

Galadriel: I give you the light of Earendil: our patented medicine.

--

Gandalf about beacons: The hope has been burned.

--

Faramir to Denethor: You killed Boromir, but I'll try to serve you in his place. If I return, think about me more often.

Denethor aptly replies: It wouldn't be polite of you to return.

--

About Anduril:

(V.1) Long Sauron will remember this sharp courage. The sword which was broken so that it could be returned to Minas Tirith. The one who has a piece of this sword can gather an army so deadly than anything under the skyes.

(V.2) The one who wields this sword can summon an army more immortal than any other!

--

Orc about Frodo in the cocoon:

(V.1) The spider stang him, but didn't eat him. That's strange. Usually she tears off the limbs and then tears meat off bones, that how she likes to eat.

(V.2) Vow, it's some fresh stuff! Looks like it's just been canned!

--

Denethor throwing Pippin out: He died the death of paladin. Get lost now. And best wishes to you.

--

Gandalf to soldiers: City is taken. Let's go to the 2nd floor.

--

Denethor to Pippin: No, Faramir, you won't take my son from me.

--

Theoden to Eowyn: Take my throne in Meduseld. You can defend yourself with it.

--

Elrond to Aragorn: Call Nazgul to war. They will follow you and only you.

--

Gimli before Paths of the Dead: Do you think it's normal for a Dwarf to be underground? It's so disgusting underground!

--

Gandalf to Pippin before Pelennor: It will be either defeat or victory.

--

Gollum: City of the Dead. Great place for our enemies.

--

Sam, talking about Rosie: Ferrar should have married someone. He could have been hers... Could have been hers...

--

Frodo on Mt.Doom: No Sam, I don't remember anything. Nor grass, nor strawberries, not even a touch of my mother, naked in the dark.

--

Gandalf at the Havens: This is the end of our friendship. But don't be sad and don't cry: you don't have to cry all the time.

--

Witch-King: You can't kill me, you silly woman!

Eowyn, taking off helmet: I'm a man!
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  • 11 comments

  • sleep talk

    Just before he woke up, jim leaned over and said, "Thank you for helping me with the pork atoms."

  • protons

    Is there a superperson who got their powers from protons? I am getting a second chance at having an origin. I am about to start proton…

  • (no subject)

    Jim came in to check on me while I was napping. I don't know what I was dreaming about, but I asked him why he had ordered the double booked full…